my caesarian story...

This is a post that I had planned to write at the very beginning of my blog days but didn't have the courage to do it. But tonight I woke up in the horrors after having a nightmare about the caesarian. Having Alexa by emergency caesarian
(you can read a little more about her birth here) was honestly the last thing that we planned or wanted. So much so that I had completely skipped past the caesarian section(s) of any pregnancy/birthing books that I read while pregnant.

So after being two weeks overdue, with three days of inducement and after ten hours of labour to have only dilated 3 centimetres was a shock to our 'natural' birthing plan! Then once Alexa's heartbeat was at a constant high and the doctor uttered the dreaded C-word (caesarian not any other c-word you potty mouths!) we were completely guttered. Having a c-section was the absolute last thing we wanted.

Anyway off to operating theatre we went. Quick as a flash. I was prepped in the birthing suite first. In came the nurses with nail polish remover, hair clippers and some sexy anti-clot stockings!! Did you know that you have to remove all nail polish before going into theatre? I had a mini mani/pedi before seeing my baby! Also before a c-section they shave your pubes. Luckily for me I had had my waxing appointment the week before. No stubbly regrowth for me! Lee also had to wear a different coloured hair cap so that he wouldn't be confused for medical staff!!

The road from the birthing suite to the operating theatre was so frightening. Down long corridors, in small claustrophobic lifts and to the cold room. In the matter of a few minutes though a tiny little red squishy face peeped over the screening curtain. And it was a girl! We were so certain we were having a boy that I thought the doctor was joking!

In the following hours when we arrived back in the maternity ward we marvelled over our little girl. It was then that I realised that I could not move. The whole front of me was numb and swollen and sore. I couldn't even pick my baby up. Lee changed her nappies and bathed her while I watched from the bed.

That night the nurses came to get me up, to see if I could stand on my own. Thinking "what a piece of cake, this will be easy", I struggled to the side of the bed and with all my might attempted to stand. Tears of pain flowed. I couldn't do it. Prior to having Alexa I had never been in hospital. I've never broken any bones or done any real damage to my body so this was a first for me. And I did not cope well with having a body that didn't do what it had always done. I felt useless and my confidence in my able body hit rock bottom.

Alexa and I stayed in hospital for the next three days. With the help of painkillers I was able to get up and shuffle around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I slept in an upright position and was able to manoeuvre the little crib Alexa was in so that I could get her out to feed and hug her.

I didn't look at my incision until the second day. After I went for a shower (and fainted!) and came back to bed Lee asked to look at it. Lee is extremely queasy with things like that so when his reaction was more amazed than shocked I knew I would be able to look at it. I too was completely amazed at the size of the cut and that it was so low. I had naively thought that they cut from hip to hip! But it was only about 10 cm long. It's been 9 months since Alexa's birth and the scar is barely noticeable and has faded to a silvery thin line.

The first night at home was a mixture of apprehension and excitement. I carefully laid myself down in bed having not slept without the aid of an electric bed and fell asleep. Alexa woke for a feed in the middle of the night and I tried with all my might to get up but couldn't. I was in so much pain. I cried for myself and for Alexa. I felt like a failure. After Lee helped me up and I had fed Alexa I gathered all the extra cushioning I could find and made a 'throne'!! I slept fairly upright for the next couple of weeks slowly removing layers as my strength returned. Once the throne was no more than a single pillow I then slept on my side with a pillow under me and with another between my boobs, they were so heavy and sore! I craved to be able to sleep on my stomach again.

The first six weeks were the most difficult for me. I remember one night after Lee had come home from work we were sitting watching TV and I just began to cry. I wasn't sad. I was frustrated at my body. And I was frustrated at my complete lack of patience for recovery. Lee reassured me that my body would heal and to remember that I had not only become a new mum but also had major abdominal surgery. Needless to say my body did gradually heal. I wish though that I had given it a break and just let it do it's thing rather than pushing the boundaries.

I had always thought that having a caesarian was taking the easy route, if there was an easy route to birth. But having known what I know now I would never choose to have a caesarian. I often wonder if we had left nature to take its course whether it would have still ended in the same result. Should I have waited longer than the recommended 10 days over due date to get induced? Should I have stayed in labour longer in hope of further dilation? In the end though its all so worth it. I know its cliche to say that but its true. Alexa is amazing.

I would love to hear what other mums have experienced through labour and birth. What was the hardest or most difficult part? Did you have to make decisions in the middle of contractions? Did you follow your birthing plan? And if you had a caesarian what things helped to ease the pain? Did you have similar feelings towards your body?

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